“I love the way you drive; will you marry me?”

Cars have often been described as an extension of one’s personality but could it in fact be your driving style that’s the more accurate reflection of who you are?

I absolutely believe it is.

Recently, I met a guy at a braai and we got talking about road rage. He has done some pretty insane things on the road at various times like attempting to beat up a typically vulgar taxi driver.
As he chatted about his catalogue of dangerous escapades on the road, I didn’t deny that any of it was anything less than the absolute truth. The guy was cool and friendly, but he always looked on the verge of beating someone up as we spoke. There was a decidedly manic glint in his eyes.

My own driving style is aligned quite perfectly to my personality; hurried, impatient, easily unsettled and yet, never willing to cross the line (excuse the pun).
I will never jump out of my car to beat someone up (a decision easily made by my pitifully small and unthreatening size). I don’t tend to break the rules in everyday life, so I tend not to jump red robots or burst into the front of that endless queue of cars turning off the M5 as everyone from the southern suburbs scurry to Canal Walk…
I’ve also never gotten a parking ticket in my life. None of which means I don’t spend most of my time gritting my teeth while driving.

A colleague of mine is another prime example. A more feisty and impatient “dynamite in a small package” specimen you are unlikely to find. On the road, she and her trusty Citi Golf make for a lethal combination, creating gaps where there appear to be none. An adept multi-tasker in the office, she somehow combines driving with SMSing, changing her shoes and berating everything and anything that dare to slow down her not inconsiderable velocity.

My sister is cautious, considerate and vigilant on the road. Overall, a wise and measured approach to driving that mirrors her general approach to life.
Her husband, dubbed a fair bit OCD by the family, expertly navigates his way around potholes with the precision of an architect completing his final draft for a multimillion dollar construction.

One of my best friends is learning to drive and recently found herself driving in the lane facing oncoming traffic without realising it, despite the oncoming car barrelling down on her.
These and other bizarre transgressions on the road would be inexplicable were it not for her colourful, emotional, vivid, marginally haphazard and infectious personality.

All of these coincidences were really fascinating to me. The way we walk into a room, give a presentation, deal with a crisis or dress ourselves are all influenced by personality and now, we can add driving style to that list.
Consider your own character and the way you drive and you may be startled by the similarities.

Maybe next time you’re on a first date, start off by taking him or her for a drive and hand them your car keys.
That should save you from having to figure them out over a laborious and awkward two-hour dinner date.

More time to fail

The South African transport department announced on Monday that learner’s licences will now be valid for two years instead of the previous 18 months.
The department also saw fit to extend testing hours for driver’s licences to 5pm on Saturdays and from 7am until 1pm on Sundays.

All of which should be great news. After all, the process for acquiring your driver’s licence in this country is renowned for its incredible inefficiency.

Well, I’m of the opinion that these latest announcements are actually rubbish and an admission of a serious fault.
The transport department is in fact saying that the service they’re currently offering is so poor that 18 months is too little time to get your driver’s licence and that you need at least two years - factoring in a few laughable failures along the way - to get that plastic card with an awful black and white image of you plucked on it.

These new time extensions don’t address the fundamental issues pertaining to getting your licence. The primary one is K53, the “defensive-orientated” style of driving that we’re all taught and that’s apparently the safest.
It is nothing more than a style of driving designed to make you fail. Checking blind spots every 8 seconds, reversing like a fool while surrounded by poles, pulling up your handbrake constantly and generally frustrating the hell out of all other drivers doesn’t constitute safe driving.

It is obvious that everyone stops using K53 immediately when they pass their drivers test. I failed twice and the first time, the vastly overweight cop that angrily failed me and drove me back to the testing centre certainly didn’t do his observations.

Consider this; I have 3 close friends who have all fallen victim to our driver testing system. Add me to the equation and we’ve failed a combined 14 times. Driving lessons are now something like R150 each. It’s R100 just to apply for your test if memory serves me correctly.
My point is that we’ve spent a revolting amount of money desperately trying to get our licences. How less fortunate people without the luxury of repeatedly trying over and over again are able to cope is beyond me.

Driving tests need to be adjusted to in fact be a test of basic driving skill and the ability to control a vehicle rather than a series of convoluted procedures and rules one has to follow.

Until then, no amount of misguiding government talk will stop me from believing that more time to fail your driver’s licence is really all we’ve been offered.

The Last Citi - A final goodbye

There comes a point in time when you eventually have to replace all your favourite things in the world.

That pair of 501 Levi jeans that you’ve worn for a decade has faded so much that it makes Nicole Kidman appear warm and inviting. Your Nokia’s 1.3 megapixel camera just isn’t cutting it anymore when you’re snapping away at your bored colleagues on a lethargic Friday afternoon. Your All Stars can only survive so much club-hopping and stomping around Canal Walk before the sole wears away and the white band at the side detaches itself from the material of the shoe… a deeply depressing affair that many of us have no doubt encounted.

Pretty much everything has a life cycle, and so too do cars. The Audi A3 you see today will be replaced by a new model next year. The much-loved, current model VW Polo has been around since 2002 and will be replaced imminently.

These life cycles last as little as 5 or so years for more common models and up to 10 or more for more classic, exclusive models such as the new Beetle (funny that we still call it the “new” Beetle when it has been around for so long).

How then, has the Volkswagen Citi-Golf managed to stick around for almost 30 years? How many things can you think of that were designed 30 years ago that still hold appeal today?

The evolution of an icon

Frankly, I’m relieved that the Citi has passed on. Constantly changing trends, advances in technology and a far greater emphasis on safety means that this blocky hatch has for too long been way overpriced compared to what’s available out there.

Sure, the Citi still has character aplenty and is nippy and fun to abuse over a series of bends. It is also inexpensive and easy to maintain. These factors, as well as VW’s never-ending improvements to the range and several really brilliant marketing campaigns over the years all account for the model’s continued success.

But I am a believer in modern design and technological prowess. If you’re willing to be seen in a Kia, then a Picanto kills the Citi in almost all aspects. It looks great and the indicator lenses don’t look as though they’ve been screwed on in somebody’s garage.

The Picanto’s doors are actually thicker than a page, in stark contrast to the Citi. It is also far safer and will very likely save you an extra limb or two in the chance of an accident (the latest Citi-Golf’s were fitted with a driver airbag, fairly useless when the rest of the car will come crumbling down around you).

More importantly, the Picanto doesn’t encourage grossly offensive modifications in the form of oversized spoilers, wheels so large that the tires mate regularly with the bodywork, suspension so low that you can’t live in an area with speed bumps and filters / exhaust systems so noisy that they, well, make you look like an idiot.

The Citi Mk 1

Despite all that, I won’t deny that the Citi is an integral, if flawed, component of South African motoring culture. Many keep going for years and years. Labels such as Chico, Citi Life, VeloCiti and the famous, 1.8-litre CTi from the 90’s will never be forgotten. People fall in love with these cars in the same way those that bought an E30 325iS BMW do.

One can’t attach a price to such emotion and nostalgia. So if you’re lucky enough to have purchased one of the final 1000 Citi-Golf’s dubbed the “Mk 1”, know that you’re driving an irreplaceable, iconic piece of motoring history.