The read of your life

Motoring journalism could be labelled as one of the most glamorous occupations out there. If the allure of driving super cars worth millions isn’t reason enough to want to do it, then the people, places and paparazzi-like scenarios you’re likely to find yourself in should be enough to convince you.

If it isn’t, I suggest picking up a copy of Cranked Up – Confessions of a Petrolhead.

Written by esteemed motoring journalist Hannes Oosthuizen, it is one of the best rides… sorry – reads - of my life. Hannes is the deputy editor for South Africa’s leading motoring publication, CAR, joining the magazine in 2001 and what he has done – and where he has been – in the last 9 years makes for a worthy read for any motoring fanatic.

The book begins with Hannes’ frenetic and hilarious depiction of a trip that he and a colleague had embarked on to Japan. Known for its intense car culture, the Land of the Rising Sun is also known for its efficient taxi drivers and a host of wildly modified road machines (to call them mere cars seems an injustice).

After this first comically fascinating chapter in the book, I quickly sped through the next four or five. It helps that each chapter is presented in bite-size portions.

Other highlights include a trip to Tuscany where, after several hours of spa treatments, Hannes got to drive the R6 million Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe. He also writes about how Russia hates its tourists, how pulling away in an F1 car is akin to keeping a cat calm while drenching it in water and which car design it was that brought him to tears.

What is wonderful about all of Hannes’ adventures is that it’s not just about the cars and how quickly they accelerate to 100km/h. It’s also about the people who commit their lives to manufacturing these “gods” of the street. It’s about culture and setting – each chapter provides entertaining titbits on the country he might find himself in, the history of its people and more.

Having lived in Cape Town for many years, Hannes has written from a colloquial perspective that we can all quickly latch onto. The insights are blunt, the gags hilarious and the tone sometimes manic as this motoring aficionado and jet-setting journalist writes of his many escapades on the asphalt.

Oh, and yes, he shares every Capetonian’s generally dismal perception of our drivers!

So, if you’d like to know how it is that a toilet atop the Eiffel Tower is as sensational and hopeless as a certain German sports saloon or why the road trip as we have come to know it is officially dead, then I strongly suggest getting yourself a copy.

*Cranked Up, Confessions of a Petrolhead, has just gone on sale in CNA and Exclusive Books stores across South Africa and is available at R149,95

Alternatively, you can order your copy at www.magsathome.co.za

2000 vs 2010 – Major motoring transformations over the last 10 years

It was almost precisely 10 years ago that I picked up my first copy of a proper car magazine in July 2000 so I thought it would be an opportune time to go back and see just how dramatically things have changed since then.

All the observations I’ve made here are based on the July 2000 issue of CAR Magazine and I’ll start with a rather hilarious comparison. There was a glossy, double page spread of the then hugely popular Toyota Corolla RXi; the ad itself encouraged one to pay special attention to the gear lever which had 6 forward gears.

The very popular Corolla RXi had a 20-valve screamer fitted up front

An entire advert raving madly about the merits of a 6-speed manual gearbox… Sure, back then it was a first on a Corolla but today, the very same brand produces a little 1.3 litre Corolla with a 6-speed gearbox as well. Also, while back in 2000 “everything keeps going right”, today Toyota claims to “lead the way.” Times have changed and Toyota’s performance models have been disappointing of late, with neither the presence nor the power to challenge the GTIs and Type Rs of the world.

Looking at vehicle sales from May 2000, the Corolla and Conquest from Toyota indeed lead the way. The BMW 3 Series still outsold the Mercedes-Benz C-Class handily, an achievement it hasn’t been able to repeat regularly for many years.

The VW Polo, currently the top-selling car in the country and a continual top 3 seller, didn’t even feature in the top 10 back then. The hideous, gravelly-sounding but incredibly enduring Mazda Sting (essentially the old 323) and the Ford Tracer (essentially the Laser) also sold hugely.

The cheapest car that you could purchase in South Africa at the time was the Fiat Uno 1100 at a cost of R40 970.

Looks solid enough here, but it wasn't

The cheapest current vehicle on sale is the Chery QQ 0.8 TE at R69 900.

The same that applied to the Uno applies to the Chery QQ right now; rather buy second-hand and accept the fact that your car isn’t brand new. That way, you’ll also avoid blowing across the newly revamped Hospital Bend when the south easter decides to drop by for a visit.

Back then, Honda still produced both the Civic and Ballade models, both of which were laden with extreme bodily modifications almost before they could be driven off the showroom floor. The classic V-TEC was an invitation for a serious dice.

Today, only the Civic nameplate lives on in a far superior machine but one which is already too extreme in its standard design for owners to really hassle with much modification.

The final Honda shape to carry the Ballade name (above) and an example of the bodily abuse most of these cars were subjected to (right)

Porsche had a minuscule range of vehicles at the time. No Cayman, no Cayenne, no Panamera and fewer 911s all means that the variety of Porsche’s available now has more than doubled in terms of individual models.

In-car navigation systems made their entrance into the local market and today, such a system can be specified in a large number of cars, many from the lower classes. If that’s not enough, you can have an aftermarket system fitted to your vehicle at minimal cost in the blink of an eye.

Airbags were still an option on a vast number of vehicles while today, any car without dual front airbags for the driver and passenger as well as ABS braking is considered unsafe and with a dismal level of safety equipment!

A startling comparison is that Volvo is preparing an “injury-proof” car for release in 2020. It will be fitted with an electronic bumper that obtains vital information for hundreds of metres around the car.

Volvo's safety technology being developed for 2020

Using this information, the car will predict an accident and take measures to avoid one regardless of whether the driver lets go of the wheel and elects to twiddle his thumbs or not.

The future is going to be scary in its ingenuity and we had better buckle up for one hell of a ride.

Then again, the car will probably do that for us.