The not very good, the bad and the ugly

Consider this scenario; the Cape Town stadium has been depicted by many as elegant, classy and magical, to name but a few choice examples. However, a Facebook friend of mine (who hails from Durban, home of the attention-seeking, drama queen-like Moses Mabhida stadium with its skyline-altering arch) distastefully described the very same Cape Town stadium as “like a soup bowl”.

A classic case, then, of beauty indeed demonstrating itself to be in the eye of the beholder. It is as beautiful as the surveyor says it is. The old proverb holds true.

So let’s imagine that for the benefit of this, my next blog post, I am the beholder and that what is beautiful – and what’s not – is from my viewpoint. And it is indeed that which is not beautiful that I am about to discuss.

The ugly ducklings of the automotive world – the car designs that somehow make it out of a 21^st century design studio looking like poo.

I’ll start with the SsangYong Actyon SUV.

SsangYong means “double dragon” but even two of these legendary, mythical creatures that breathe fire would be less of a visual assault than the Actyon, which has more ungainly curves and creases than Kirstie Alley. At her biggest. In an un-ironed dress.

Then we have the Nissan Tiida, a favourite at car rental companies but a dismal failure when it comes to alluring the buying public who rather enjoy, well, arriving in some degree of style.

The Tiida mysteriously emerged from the same company that makes the beautiful 370Z, so why they made this thing (with an ugly, block of a profile, an ugly backside and ugly headlamps) is beyond my understanding. Apparently, the rear legroom is great, but do you care? I certainly don’t. Then again, the name “Tiida” never did promise much to lust over.

Next is a “car” made by – surprise, surprise – the Chinese. It’s called the Benni, and this Benni should be rejected by the industry with the same verve that Carlos Alberto Parreira rejected the other Benni.

Already proclaimed to be the worst car tested by many motoring magazines, the Benni looks about as aerodynamic and sleek as a block of cement. Somehow, the interior is claimed to be even worse off and reeks of glue. Oh dear.

Finally, we have the Chrysler Sebring Convertible. The very point of a convertible is to look good as you cruise past gaggles of other people in “normal” cars. Quite simply, a convertible that doesn’t look good is like a kettle that can’t boil the stuff that nobody actually drinks 8 glasses of per day.

The Sebring has a nice bonnet, and nice wheels, and nice tail lamps, and even a nice grille at the front. However, put all these nice elements together and the result is one very shiny mess. It truly is an incredibly awkward-looking thing and proves that chopping the roof off of a sedan is not a recipe for a sexy convertible. Cover the front half of a Sebring Convertible picture with your hand and the rear looks like a deranged bakkie. It is seriously aesthetically challenged and Chrysler would be advised to remove it from showrooms immediately.

Quite a shock, then, that almost 30 000 Sebring sedans and convertibles were sold in the US last year. That’s 30 000 people that suffered a lapse of concentration and bought of these bad, ugly cars. And there are many more buyers of the Actyon, Tiida and Benni.

One man’s soup bowl really is another’s work of art.